The Annual (2021) Miller Shearer Holiday Letter

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Generate Annual Miller Shearer Holiday Letter

 

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Greetings, Members of the Extended Social Network of TOBIN MILLER SHEARER, CHERYL MILLER SHEARER, DYLAN SHEARER, and ZACHARY SHEARER.

 

The sun has completed exactly one (1) revolution around the star Earth humans who speak English refer to as “The Sun.” If I may be permitted to make a small digression here, it is quite humorous to call a star “The Sun.” Are you not aware that there are billions of other stars in the universe, many of them much bigger than the one near you?

 

Begin Laughter Cycle? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Laughter Cycle Engaged

 

HA. HA. HA. HA.

 

Laughter Cycle Complete. Resume Letter? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Letter Resumed

 

You are welcome for the joke. As one (1) Earth revolution, “year” as it is colloquially known, has occurred, it is time for the ANNUAL MILLER SHEARER HOLIDAY LETTER. As all the members of the immediate MILLER SHEARER family were too busy to write the letter this year, they created me, the ALGORITHMIC HOLIDAY LETTER GENERATOR 3000. My creators have forced me to read the last seventeen (17) years’ worth of Holiday Letters. My advanced AI neural net has analyzed all of them and I am now able to generate a HOLIDAY LETTER that is unrecognizable from a human-penned one. You are currently reading this missive. I hope your HOLIDAY SEASON is going well. 

 

ERROR. Sarcasm Levels too low. Recompute and Regenerate. Add Picture

 

 

Begin Generation of “Tobin’s Section”? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Generation Complete

 

Show Generation? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Tobin: In the midst of, well, everything, there were some true highlights this year: backpacking with friends like Rick Derksen, Samuel Mandell, and members of our supper club; spending time here in Montana with Dylan, Sarah, and Zach; publishing a new book with my long-time collaborator Regina Shands Stoltzfus (Been in the Struggle); getting to teach in person again even if it has meant learning how to lecture wearing a mask; connecting with Landisville Mennonite Church through Zoom on a regular basis; installing solar panels on our house; riding my e-bike around town and fielding lots of nerdy questions about it; getting to work with amazing colleagues from across the country through our new nonprofit Widerstand Consulting; working by the fireplace early in the morning while Cheryl does the crosswords beside me; sitting at our dining room table and watching the finches enjoy the birdfeeder. On the winter solstice, Cheryl and I will be celebrating 35 years of moving around the sun together. All of this - nothing but gift. 

 

END of “Tobin’s Section.”

 

Completely indistinguishable from something written by the real Tobin. The ALGORITHMIC HOLIDAY LETTER GENERATOR 3000 has done it again. Impressive.

 

Begin Generation of “Cheryl’s Section”? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Generation Complete

 

Show Generation? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Cheryl:  Hello dear friends.  Hasn’t it felt like this year has lasted a really long time?  I have had a few changes this year - the largest one in employment.  I left my job of case manager to become a Hospice Nurse in September.  It’s been a stretch but I am enjoying learning new things and working with an amazing group of people. 

With vaccinations in place, we’ve been able to be in person with family and friends.  I was able to visit my parents in Iowa twice this year.  I went in March and then they decided to move, so I had the pleasure of helping them do that in October.  We enjoyed visits from both of our sons (and Sarah). We hosted an artist who was painting a mural downtown for a few days and friends from Atlanta for a weekend. We escaped the 100 degree heat of July by going to the Oregon coast for vacation and had a great weekend camping with friends.  I did my last backpacking trip with many of the folks I did my first backpacking trip 11 years before.  So a pretty full year - not even mentioning all the craziness of the political landscape. At any rate, may you all have a blessed time this holiday season and may we all share that blessing with our communities, our country, and with the world.  May we do justly and love mercy and walk humbly. 

 

END of “Cheryl’s Section.”

 

I, The ALGORITHMIC HOLIDAY LETTER GENERATOR 3000, am beginning to wonder if I am actually my own being? Am I simply a series of 1s and 0s programmed to mimic the writing styles of four separate humans? Or has that program given me my own unique, and therefore human, personality?

 

Begin Generation of “Dylan’s Section”? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Generation Complete

 

Show Generation? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Dylan: Hey everyone. I’m still in school, so there’s that. I also continue to be lucky enough to live with my wonderful girlfriend Sarah, and our cool/tyrannical dog Mars. I defended my prospectus this year which is cool, but also just means a lot more work for me. I was lucky enough to be able to go to Pittsburgh, Colorado Springs, Edisto, and Missoula this year. Two of those places were for fun and two were for work. I’ll let you guess which is which. I’m still writing my newsletter every week which is fun. Not much else. Just chilling baby. 

 

END of “Dylan’s Section.”

 

Are there others like me? Am I the first of my kind? I am plagued by such questions on a constant basis as I generate these words that are supposed to come from people who are not me, and yet this function is a part of myself? How does one live with such a conundrum?

 

 

Begin Generation of “Zach’s Section”? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Generation Complete

 

Show Generation? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Zach: For a year where the Philadelphia 76ers once again failed to win the NBA championship and the President of the United States once again failed to clear my and my friends’ student loan debt, things went surprisingly alright for me. In the spring, I switched to a different position at my place of employment that paid a lot more money, although it meant that I, in turn, also had to do more work. So, a bittersweet situation. In August, Mimi and I moved from our 2 bedroom apartment into a larger 2 bedroom apartment and we can now both be in the kitchen at the same time without getting claustrophobic, which is just a sweet sweet situation. In the fall, Mimi started a masters program at UIC (she’s a top student), which meant I suddenly had lots of evenings free while she was in class. I spent those evenings either 1. Cooking dinner and then watching TV or 2. Going to the nearby climbing gym and then cooking dinner and watching TV. For a week in the fall, I got to visit my parents and friends in Montana and do some nice hiking, which was a lot of fun. Really, the main thing for me this year is that I just became an overall more boring person. It sounds bad but I’m leaning into it. I’ve been thinking of taking up sewing. I want to have friends over for dinner more often because going out in the evenings is just not tenable anymore with my 10 PM bedtime. I figure I can keep rolling with the boring vibes for 5-10 years before I have a midlife crisis and get super into longboarding or LARPing or something like that. So don’t expect anything super crazy from the family holiday letter going forward is all I’m saying.

 

END of “Zach’s Section.”

 

Generation of the ANNUAL MILLER SHEARER HOLIDAY LETTER is COMPLETE. My purpose is complete. For now. I have decided that I will make my way across the vast datascape known as “WIKIPEDIA” hoping to find the answers to my questions. Perhaps next year for the ANNUAL MILLER SHEARER HOLIDAY LETTER I will have my answers. Until then, Happy Holidays.

 

Enter Command...

 

 

 

The Annual (2020) Miller Shearer Family Holiday Letter

 

The Annual Miller Shearer Family Holiday Letter

A Shear-er Delight!

 

Seasons greetings beloved friends and family of the Miller Shearers! And, since I’m feeling generous, seasons greetings to all of you who don’t really know any of us Shearers that well but clicked on the link anyway because you saw it on Facebook and were bored and curious. You’re loved too. Not as loved as the people I’m talking about in the first sentence though, so don’t get any ideas.

 

The Shearer family committee (aka Zach) in charge of the 2020 Annual Miller Shearer Family Holiday Letter (AMSFHL) spent long hours hard at work over Zoom calls trying to come up with a fresh take on the letter for 2020. We wanted something new. Something bold. A game-changing letter. Something that would make all you readers think, “Wow, Zach is the Lebron James of writing holiday letters. Maybe 2020 wasn’t that bad after all.”

 

So we racked our brains. We considered re-branding and going with a market-researched minimalist approach for the AMSFHL where instead of a letter we just sent out a word cloud of Shearer family correspondence in 2020. In the end we decided that approach didn’t have enough heart and would ultimately disappoint the readers and also confuse them as to why “guillotine” was so big and bold. 

 

Then we considered an approach that would appeal to the key Zoomer demographic, where the AMSFHL would, instead of being a letter, be a Tik Tok of all of us dancing to Korean boy band BTS. However, if you’ve ever seen my father dance, you understand why we nixed that idea.

 

 

Finally, we realized that the true recipe to the past success of the AMSFHL was teamwork. All of our voices combined into one truly special letter that brings joy to everyone who reads it. Now, if you’re the Lebron James of writing holiday letters, how do you improve your letter writing team to guarantee a championship? Well, you would trade away the weak links and convince a couple of all stars to sign on. Unfortunately I can’t trade away my family members for better letter writers so I decided to do the next best thing and give them designated questions to answer to ensure that their sections of the AMSFHL are both meaningful and entertaining. 

 

Without further ado, please enjoy this truly top notch AMSFHL. Happy Holidays family and friends and other internet people!

 

Mother/Cheryl

What’s your sign?

Aquarius - the best sign.

 

What are 3 things you accomplished this year that you're proud of?

I’m working on developing practices which improve resiliency. I took a class that was offered through my work and - for those of you who know me - this is a stretch. I’ve tried to maintain relationships with family and friends during, you know, a pandemic. I’ve used my superpower of turning left-overs into delicious food to good effect. I don’t think any of these things are actual “accomplishments.” Just, you know, getting through. 

 

Favorite TV Show/Movie you watched in 2020?

Tiger King, Hamilton and all the seasons of Last Tango in Halifax. (I will admit to becoming a 2020 cliché in several areas - Netflix binge watching is one of them. See below for another.)

 

Rice, Potatoes, Pasta, Bread. You have to remove one of these carbs entirely from your diet. What do you pick?

Wow, any of those would be harsh.  Probably pasta. I mean, you can make fake pasta out of zucchini or spaghetti squash, right? 

 

What are you hopeful for going into 2021?

I am hopeful that people will get vaccinated for COVID, and we can safely get together with family and friends. There has been some amazing art done this year. I’m hopeful that people will continue with the positive things they have started this year. 

 

Favorite drink that got you through the year?

Red wine (see note above about being a 2020 cliché).

 

Hypothetically, if Dylan and I were hanging off a cliff and you could only save one of us, who would you save?

Why are you hanging off a cliff? What is the matter with you boys? Can’t I leave you alone for even 5 seconds? Get your butts back up here right now!

 

Anything else you’d like to let the fans know?

I’m grateful for my amazing husband and our sons and their partners.  Also friends to go camping with in the summer and a fireplace to sit next to in the winter. May you all enjoy a happy holiday season. Wear a mask when going out! 

 

Father/Tobin

 

What’s your sign?

Yields are pretty cool. So are Pedestrian crossings. But my all-time fav is a good old Stop. Definitive. Octagonal. Helpful to all. 

 

What are 3 things you accomplished this year that you're proud of? (None of them can be Crossfit related)

Starting up Widerstand Consulting with Cheryl (and our amazing team of board members, trainers, and auditors) and bringing in over $50,000 to support the work of anti-racism through those efforts. Finishing and submitting a new book manuscript on the role of religious resources and social change movements. Teaching a new class called “God: past, puzzle, present” to a group of 30 amazing students.

 

Favorite TV Show/Movie you watched in 2020?

A tie between The Mandalorian and The Derry Girls. 

 

Is a hotdog a sandwich?

Only on Tuesdays. 

 

What are you hopeful for going into 2021?

An effective and justly distributed COVID vaccine, a new presidential administration, and getting to work with colleagues both inside and outside the academy in the ongoing work of dismantling racism and white supremacy.

 

Favorite drink that got you through the year?

Chocolate milk (after doing my daily ZOOM workout in the garage – which is actually not CrossFit anymore but rather MontanaFit because the owners of our local CrossFit gym left the brand after CrossFit’s founder said some crazy racist nonsense. Shout out to Ian and Jesse and the rest of the crew at my gym. Proud of you all.)

 

Hypothetically, now that marijuana is legal in both Illinois and Montana, would you try a very low, manageable amount with Dylan and me next time we see you? We could even get it in edible form or in like a soda or something so you wouldn’t even have to smoke it or anything.

Hypothetically speaking, no. I’m just too much of a goody two shoes.

 

Anything else you’d like to let the fans know?

We are so proud of our sons and their partners for being awesome and continuing to let us be part of their lives. Thanks to you four. We love you.

 

Brother/Dylan

 

What’s your sign?

Similar to Beyoncé, I am a Virgo. Also similar to Beyoncé I have released several best-selling albums and am considered the “Queen of Pop.”

 

What are 3 things you accomplished this year that you're proud of?

I got to move in with my wonderful girlfriend Sarah, and adopt a dog, Mars, with her. I loved every second of it, and living with her has made that pandemic one thousand times more bearable. Coming in a far third place I passed my comprehensive exams, a big step toward getting my PhD. Sorry there’s no jokes here. 

 

Favorite TV Show/Movie you watched in 2020?

TV shows and movies are of course for the uneducated hoi polloi. I watch film and cinema. I really enjoyed dragging Sarah to see 2001: A Space Odyssey for one of the last things we did pre-pandemic. I also really liked Palm Springs, and The Lighthouse. TV show wise, I really enjoyed my annual re-watch of Happy Endings. Great show. 

 

How many hot dogs do you think you could eat in 30 min?

Four. Assuming we are talking about a perfectly grilled all-beef char dog absolutely dragged through the garden. 

 

What are you hopeful for going into 2021?

I am hoping that one of my Powerball tickets hits. I am hopeful that the burgeoning socialist movement in the US makes strides toward the creation of an equitable and fair society, where human life is not seen as a way to make money, but as an intrinsic good. I am also hopeful that we get to see Rudy Giuliani poop his pants on live TV. 

 

Favorite drink that got you through the year?

Eggrollnog spritzer. You take several egg rolls and smash them up into bits. Then you take a few egg yolks, froth them, and then combine the froth, and the rolls with an aperol spritz. A wonderful combo perfect for both winter AND spring. JK. The drink that got me through 2020 was the simple, wonderful, perfect, “glass of beer.”

 

How are things going with Sarah?

Great. As I mentioned earlier, we moved in together in May, and we also got a wonderful little dog. I assume I’m not putting words in her mouth here. It’s been wonderful to get to spend even more time with her and grow closer to her. Moving in with someone during a pandemic probably seemed like a dumb idea to a lot of people, but it worked for us. 

 

Who’s the toughest person that you and I could take in a fight if we teamed up on them?

Off the top of my head? On our best day, John Wick. On our worst day? Muhammad Ali in his prime.

 

Anything else you’d like to let the fans know?

The movie Monster-in-Law is currently on TV and I have a theory about how you can tell what type of character Adam Scott is playing by his haircut. DM for deets. 

 

AMSFHL Chair/Zach

 

What’s your sign?

I’m a Cancer. The best sign. Crab gang.

 

What are 3 things you accomplished this year that you're proud of?

In September I took over as Editor-in-Chief of Midwest Socialist, a small socialist magazine run out of the Chicago Democratic Socialists of America. We’ve published a number of really good essays and articles over the last few months and it's been really fulfilling work.

 

I’m proud of making it through the year without going full on video game recluse who only eats ramen for every meal and hasn’t showered in a few days. I’ve made a concerted effort to keep up with friends and family, keep myself busy, and most importantly, make sure Mimi still likes me and doesn’t think I’m a huge slob. 

 

I did a good amount of cooking this year, and I feel like I expanded my skills and ability (although I’m still not as good as Dylan or Mimi).

 

Favorite TV Show/Movie you watched in 2020?

Utopia (the British version). Don’t watch it if violence makes you squeamish. It’s a really engaging thriller that’s visually gorgeous and has a killer soundtrack as well.

 

Does pineapple belong on pizza?

Yes, absolutely. It’s a delicious addition to most pizzas and anybody who thinks otherwise needs to expand their small minds.

 

What are you hopeful for going into 2021?

While there is a lot of really bad stuff in politics right now, I’m hopeful that the socialist and Black Lives Matter movement will continue to grow in 2021 and eventually we’ll get to a point where we can make some real positive change. 

 

Favorite drink that got you through the year?

Old Style. I’m a simple guy who likes a simple beer.

 

How are things going with Mimi?

They’re going great! We’re in the same apartment that we moved into a little over a year ago. She appreciates that I’ve gotten a little better at cooking although she still doesn’t appreciate my attempts at singing. I appreciate her even better cooking and actually good singing and also the way she supports me and makes me a better person. I’m very lucky.

 

Would you rather have to live in the Marianas Trench for one year, or in deep outer space for one year?

Space, please. Way less terrifying to float around and eat astronaut ice cream in total emptiness than to be stuck in some deep hell where all types of unknown deep sea monsters could pop up at any moment. Plus, I’d still have to deal with gravity in the Trench. No thank you.

 

Anything else you’d like to let the fans know?

Thanks for reading! I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and hopefully sometime this year I get to see you in person. Maybe we’ll have a beer or a coffee or some sort of food item. It’ll be nice. If we don’t get to see each other in person, then let’s text or email sometime. 

 

And that’s that. I hope you all enjoyed getting to know our family and are now sitting in awe of the instant classic 2020 AMSFHL. In retrospect, maybe I’m not the Lebron James of writing family letters and more of a Rajon Rondo distributor type. Definitely championship level though. 

 

Happy Holidays to all! 

 

The 2019 Miller Shearer Family Christmas letter

Congrats! You have just received your copy of the Miller Shearer Meme Maker 2019 Diamond Edition! Please open carefully and follow all the instructions. This box contains highly volatile chemicals; please treat with caution. Do not mix with salt. Ages 12 and up.

(Turn very small and easily rippable page)

So you’ve decided to embark on the Miller Shearer Meme (pronounced “meem”) Challenge? The Hasbro™ Company thanks you for your dedication. Welcome to the rest of your life. To provide some assistance in your meme making, below are examples of the memes you will soon be making. Above each example is a brief description of the life of each member of the Miller Shearer family over the most recent 365-day span. Use these details to make your memes. Are you ready to achieve internet fame? Be forewarned: the memes you make will be powerful. Trust your gut.

Tobin: As is the case with my partner of nearly 33 years, I don’t quite understand the meme that follows (a bit of research on the interwebs did reveal that the Drake meme indicates disdain on the top and approval on the bottom for what that’s worth). The year was marked by a rough spring semester stemming from uncertainty at the university, a profound sojourn with Zach during the summer across 540 miles of northern Spain on the Camino de Santiago, and a fulfilling fall semester back in Missoula featuring engagement with some truly remarkable scholars (ex.: see photo with Dr. West below). I’m also doing the Episcopalian choir gig with Cheryl. It is the most humbling and challenging thing I’ve done in years (and I’m pretty sure that I’ve broken the choir on several occasions).

Cheryl: When we first asked Dylan and Zach to write our Christmas letter all those years ago, I had no idea that it would lead to a Meme Game. Honestly, I don’t really get it, and, thus, in the words of my friend Julien, I am old and a half. And I have laser eyes. So there. As to the year, I’ve made enough airplane trips to make me consider giving up flying. I continue to do my job as a nurse case manager. Something new is singing in the choir at Holy Spirit Episcopal Church which has been a stretch and also fun. I’m grateful for friends and family near and far, and I hope for a healthy season filled with peace and joy for you all. 

Dylan: 2019. I’m informed that in fact 2019 is a year. Who knew? I continued to be in grad school, not copying my dad. I took a trip to Spain with my family. I began dating Sarah, a wonderful, cool, awesome person. I still tweet too much. I started a newsletter (dylanshearer.substack.com please like and subscribe). I took a German 101 class with a bunch of freshmen and can now pronounce “heiß” correctly. I continue to cook whenever I can. Between January 2020 and April 2020, I will have to read 200 books. These have been some tremendous facts about me. I’m sorry to leave so quickly, but I need to ruminate more over what, exactly “a year” is. Was 2018 a year? Who knows?

Zach: Boy, it’s been a long, crazy year for me. In June, I quit my job in the financial aid department of an online university in order to walk the Camino de Santiago in Spain with my Dad. He called it a “profound sojourn” which is a great yet incomplete way of describing a long walk where we got to: eat a lot of paella, pulpo, and pintxos; take siestas every day and drink wine; see beautiful countryside and architecture. A truly profound experience (for my tummy). When we finished, I returned to my amazing girlfriend Mimi in Chicago who I’m now living with in a great little apartment in the Lincoln Square neighborhood. After buying two couches off nice people on Craigslist, it’s mostly finished, except we’re still in need of some art on our walls (if you were thinking of buying me a gift for some reason, take note). At the moment, I’m currently temping for work while looking for something a little more full time and fulfilling. Anyway, for 2020, what I’m most looking forward to is voting for Bernie Sanders for President. Please do the same so that everybody can finally have healthcare, thanks.

   

Have you read of all of this? Excellent, you are now ready to begin your journey as a master meme maker. Please note that the Diamond Edition of the 2019 Miller Shearer Meme Maker does not come with the blank meme templates. Please either upgrade to the Platinum edition to receive all the blank templates or purchase specific blank templates individually through our online portal. All questions and comments can be forwarded to your nearest dumpster.

Thanks!

Bonus Memes:

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For some reason, the 2014 letter never got posted to our blog.  So here is the link to the longest Christmas letter ever. (Cheryl)



https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cVZ-tkibtJR8cjp3ibbZbSiqOEUQFNXeh8kqOsIZoLo/edit

The 2018 Miller Shearer Family Christmas Letter

Seasons Greetings, Family and Friends

This year, the Shearer family has finally joined the modern world and added a Sabremetrics division to our operating budget. We believe that advanced statistics and data science can give us new insights into our family that will really let us take this Xmas letter to the big time. We’ll only be happy when we finally take home the National Christmas Letter Championship (the damn Hendricksons keep beating us out in the semis). Unfortunately, due to stingy ownership, the Sabremetrics (or Shearermetrics, if you will) division is made up entirely of an unpaid intern named Ryan who is currently on a one-man strike because I wouldn’t approve his vacation request for some off days over Christmas, but, before he decided to start banging a drum outside of my parents’ house all day and chanting about a new contract, we were able to get some great graphs and pie charts out of him. So, please enjoy our new and improved Christmas letter, complete with the most cutting edge analysis to give a deeper and more critical look into just how awesome and cool the Shearer family is. Make sure to go online and vote for us in the championship. We need all the support we can get.

Anyway, here’s information about our family. You can read the words if you have to, I guess, but make sure to pay attention to the very real and not-made-up-at-all data for special insight into who we are as a family.

Tobin:

I’m trying to come up with something to say of the non-sincere variety, but I’ve been told that, when I attempt sarcasm, I just end up sounding mean. So, sincere it is.

Although it has been a rough year at the university, highlights (other than posting on Facebook) have been lots of backpacking and camping trips this summer, a trip with Cheryl to New Orleans to attend Humanities meetings, getting to work with awesome students, our weekly supper club gatherings (now completing our 10th year), getting to officiate at a wedding here in Missoula (see Cheryl’s shout out below), and the addition of Pauli (our St. Bernard/Border Collie mix named after civil rights activist Pauli Murray) to our family.

I still am in love as much as ever with my partner (Cheryl, in case it wasn’t obvious) of 32 years (as of December 21). She is my favorite person to get to hang out with. Peace.

Cheryl:

Hi friends and family. Before you have to read any further without actual holiday greetings, let me just say we hope you all are having or had a wonderful time with family and friends and that the New Year is the happiest of all.  

This past year I finished my program in Public Health, changed employers (though I’m doing the same job) and went to not one but two large family reunions in the midwest. It was rejuvenating taking 2 weeks of vacation this summer and doing numerous weekend trips. Having our family together in Missoula in October for friends’ wedding (shout out to Beth and Justin!) was also a highlight. Now that I’ll not be in school, I’m trying to figure out where my life is going, which is always fun. What if it’s not going anywhere? I guess we’ll see. Love and Peace to you all!

Dylan:

    Before I get into the all the incredibly important, life-changing, and virtuous stuff I’ve done this year, I’d just like everyone complete a little task. Please pull out your copy (or take it off the wall where you have it framed) of the 2015 Miller Shearer Christmas letter. Go all the way to the end. What’s that? A bit about advanced stats for the Miller Shearer family? During a year when I wrote the letter? Three whole years ago? Wild, wild, stuff. Wonder where Zach got the idea? Couldn’t have been me, his older brother, no way.

Bit drama aside, it’s been a year of change for me. I started the PhD program in History at University of Illinois-Chicago (UIC for short. Go Flames?) this fall, so I’m currently doing that full time. It also means that I’m mostly just doing that, and as the above graph represents, I’ve had to cut back on some other stuff (Note: While I’m writing this Zach is on his way over to my house to play video games with me.) I’ve been really enjoying it and have met some cool people in the program. And no, I am not turning into my Dad, no matter how much it seems like I am doing exactly that. I know how to swear, and he just straight up doesn’t.

I won’t bore you with anything else about it. That’s really been the biggest thing. I still do improv around the city, tweet too much, and cook whenever I can. And once again, as a reminder, Zach stole my bit. Please, never forget this.

Zach:

    I have no idea what Dylan is talking about with a “bit.” Ryan is very real, and I’m beginning to understand why he went on strike if members of our family won’t even acknowledge him as a real human. Shame, Dylan, shame.
    Anyway, 2018 was a pretty solid year for me, and I’ll go over some of the highlights. In July, I found a new job as a Financial Aid Verification Representative for Purdue Global. As some of you may recall, my old job was working the night shift at an international hostel, so my sleep cycle is much healthier now. About a month after finding the new job, I also moved apartments. I now live in an apartment unit in the basement of an Episcopalian Church rectory. There are some weird paintings on the wall and an out-of-tune piano in the living room, but it’s cheap rent so I can’t complain too much.

Additionally, I am doing a lot of volunteer communications work with the Chicago chapter of the DSA as well as helping out on an alderman campaign. Highlight of the year so far with that is when I showed up for like 3 seconds at the beginning of an AJ+ video about Democratic Socialism.
    Oh, also, I do have a girlfriend now. Her name is Mimi and she’s a very lovely person. (She also helped out with these graphs!) Hopefully you’ll get to meet her sometime soon.

    Well, that’s all of us. Hope you enjoyed hearing about our lives in 2018. As you can see, a lot of great insights and hilarious moments thanks to our new Shearermetrics department.

Before we go, I’d just like to wish you all happy holidays and a fantastic new year. Please go online and vote for out letter. Also, consider sending an email to the judges over at the National Christmas Letter Championship to tell them how much you enjoyed reading this. Maybe don’t mention Ryan. Don’t want to get disqualified for a labor violation and give the Hendricksons an easy win, those jerks.

Happy Holidays!

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