Writer's Showcase

Here's a sketch that got accepted by a school "Writer's Showcase" contest and was performed.



Cookies N Cream

Guy 1:Why are we ordering? *No response* Why are we ordering?

Guy 2:Because.

Guy 1:Because why?

Guy 2:’Cause I like ice cream. Is that such a crime?

Guy 1:No, it isn’t. That’s the point. We’re here to rob the store. Not to give it business.

Guy 2:Relax, we’ll get around to that once I finish my triple chocolate cone. Now shut it so I can finish before it melts.

*Pause*

Guy 1(annoyed):You know the whole point in robbing this ice cream store is so we don’t have to pay for the ice cream.

Guy 2:Yeah, but what’s wrong with sampling the goods first? Its not like we aren’t gonna get the money right back and now I know that the ice cream bucket I’m gonna steal is the triple chocolate one.

Guy 1:What are you talking about?

Guy 2:One of us grabs the cash and holds the gun, thats you, while the other grabs two of the ice cream buckets, me. What kind do you want?

Guy 1(angry):What exactly do you think this is? This isn’t the ice cream truck, this isn’t Chinese take-out on the phone. We’re about to pull off a robbery!

Guy 2:At an ice cream store.

Guy 1:With a gun.

Guy 2:And fun sized cones.

Guy 1:Just grab whatever the hell ice cream you see first.

*Pause*

Guy 2:Pecan?

Guy1:No

Guy2:Vanillicious?

Guy1:No

Guy 2:Black Cherry?

Guy 1:No, moron. Quit naming all the sissy ice cream.

Guy 2:I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Guy 1:Those are all notorious chick ice cream flavors. Real men get Rocky Road and Cookies N Cream.

Guy 2: *laughs*

Guy 1:What?

Guy 2:Cookies N Cream? Really?

Guy 1:What?

*Pause*

Guy 1:Oh...real mature. That would be your first thought, Mr. I’m gonna order a fun size, triple chocolate cone before we rob the place.

*Pause*

Guy 1:I need to pee.

*Guy 1 leaves stage, comes back a little bit later. In the meantime Guy 2 keeps eating ice cream. Somebody comes over and takes a chair from his table*

Guy 1:Where’s my chair?

Guy 2:I don’t know.

Guy 1:Well it didn’t just disappear did it?

Guy 2:Well, you see, that guy over there came over and asked for a chair.

Guy 1:And you just let him?

Guy 2:Yep.

Guy 1:So I get to stand?

Guy 2:Its how the world works. Life is a big game of musical chairs. The music just stopped. You lose.

Guy 1:I hate you so, so very much right now.

*Guy 1 stands around, getting increasingly annoyed. Guy 2 continues to eat his ice cream*

Guy 1:Screw it, I’m doing it. *Goes up to counter * Hi, I’m robbing your store; give me all your cash.

*Woman behind counter nods, terrified*

Guy 2:Oh and we’ll take some ice cream too; a bucket of triple chocolate and some cookies and cream for manly friend here.

Woman: Cookies and Cream? Really?

Guy 1:Just give me the money. Now. *Takes money* Alright, see that was easy. Now lets go.

Guy 2:Great...hey maybe we can rob a Chinese take-out place next.

*Fade to black*