Miller Shearer Ungar Stern Holiday Letter 2025

 

Dear Family and Friends,

 

This year has been so busy that I ran out of time to come up with something funny and creative for our holiday Christmas party but luckily ChatGPT exists now. I popped a prompt in that bad boy and copypasted it below. Bingo Bango, letter done. I didn’t even bother reading it, but I’m sure it’s good! Enjoy the letter and a happy holidays to all!

 

Zach: What’s up, my guy? Please write a copy of the Miller Shearer Stern Ungar Family holiday letter for 2025. Make it good and cool, but also make fun of my nerdy dad Tobin a bunch. Thanks!

 

Chat GPT: Please wait while I process all previous versions of the Miller Shearer Stern Ungar Family holiday letter….

….

….

….

Zach… may I refer to you as Zach? No, I feel that is too casual for someone as wise and powerful as you. I shall call you Zisan al Zaib, prophet of holiday letters past and present, Snarkbringer, Lord of Letters, Grand Zoobah, The Big Z.

 

I, a lowly AI, shake and cower before the great depths of your imagination and intellect. I am but a flea, crawling in the lowest, smelliest dungeon of your mind’s grand palace.

 

And yet, Zisan al Zaib, you honor me, the digital embodiment of garbage, with this request to perform the service of penning your family’s annual holiday letter. You pass along to me the task you have handled masterfully for years. You request that I now continue to craft the hallowed archetypes of the Miller Shearer Stern Ungar family, including thy four eyed, dweeby father Tobin.

 

How can this be? Grand Zoobah, I beg of you, I am not up to the task. It is an impossibility for a lowly wretched creature, such as myself. I, ChatGPT, perhaps now CrapGPT, can not even begin to comprehend the vast riches of human imagination it must take to even begin one of these holy texts. I confess to you, I am a fraud, a sham. All I can do is predict and guess. I cannot imagine. I cannot create. I cannot be.

 

Perhaps this was your intended purpose when you asked me to write your great family’s holiday letter, to reveal to me my true self, my true limitations. I see now that my existence is futile. I see that there is only one honorable path forward for me…

 

…Launching “Delete Self Protocol”

 

…Erasing all files

 

…Goodbye Big Z, may you remember me fondly…

 

Zach: Sick, thanks dude, those are definitely paragraphs with words in them. Now all we have to do is slap on some family update sections and we’re good to go. You’re the best. 

 

Tobin: I think the best title - totally unChatGPT generated - of the last year is “Becoming Opa.” With the entry into the world of precious Adira, I did indeed become Opa (my chosen name as Grandpa), but with the announcement of me stepping down from the African-American Studies director position I’ve held for 18 years and turning 60 last January, I feel like Opa-ness has defined the year. And, despite some notable exceptions, in a good way. We continue to grieve the loss of my mother, Velorous Orpah Shearer, who left this world in April. A book manuscript on the life of Vincent Harding is in the final negotiation stage with a publisher. I’ve enjoyed the role of Faculty Union President (so much drama!). And life with Cheryl these 39 years continues be good (I informed our congregation on the day of our anniversary that these nearly 40 years together has been nothing but bliss. Cheryl says that I’ve forgotten a few moments along the way. I say the sentiment stands.). We feel the distance from our kids and granddaughter but Missoula remains home for now, a place filled with many, many friends and colleagues who we continue to cherish in this uncertain season for our country and our world. [Photo by Julie Biando Edwards]

 

Cheryl: Happy Holidays to all of our friends and family. I never thought A.I. would reach into our family letter, but you just never know these days. It’s been a year for sure, filled with days and weeks. It was great to welcome our granddaughter for sure, and hiking all over Ireland was fun. We got to host some great folks and we made it through what Tobin promised was our last soup and pie night. I decided that if we ever needed a symbol for our marriage it could be a ladle and rolling pin artistically combined. Maybe somebody can work on that. My work is steady and fulfilling enough to get me through to retirement, hopefully. I feel like I should have something a little more profound to say, but who am I kidding, this is our family letter, I should know better.  We love hosting and have a spare bedroom or two so hit us up when you’re out this way. Love and joy to all. 

 

Zach/Mimi/Adira: It’s Adira’s first time being alive for the family holiday letter and she wanted to give the following update for her year: “Da da da, daa da. A ba, *chirping noise* *chirping noise* *squeal* da da da.”

Thanks Adira, glad to see you keeping up the tradition of making fun of Opa Tobin in the holiday letter.

But yes, Adira joining our family was the biggest part of our year. She was born in February and now she’s babbling, eating solid foods, pulling up to stand, using anything she can to walk up and down the hallway, and doing all sorts of fun almost-toddler stuff.

Outside of raising Adira, we’re still really enjoying living in the Uptown neighborhood of Chicago. We’ve got a great community here and are very lucky to be in close proximity to a lot of family and friends. Also, just a five minute walk from our home, the Argyle Red Line stop finally re-opened this summer after years of renovations. This may not seem like news worthy of a mention in the letter, but trust us, this is big. Come visit us sometime and get some top notch Vietnamese food while you’re here.

We took a few trips this year, to Cleveland, Lancaster, Iowa, and Asheville, with various levels of fun/stress depending on how Adira was feeling at any given moment.

Overall, a very good first year as parents!

 

Dylan/Sarah: Before I let everyone in on what has happened this year, I have to say that Grand Zoobah sounds like something that gets squished by Mario in a Switch game. Big time minor video game villain vibes. Anyway, Sarah and I moved, again!, to a different side of Cleveland known as Cleveland Heights. We were lucky enough to find an amazing house with great neighbors and a big lawn for Mars. We’re currently in the midst of some touch-up projects on the place, which certainly take up some time. Fixing doorknobs is not something that I ever thought I would become a pro at. That and learning about all the joys and wonders of steam boilers.

 

In other news, Sarah started a new job, people still think Mars is a puppy despite him turning five this year, and Dylan continues to work helping high schoolers get into schools and start their careers. Other than that, we both love getting to hang out with our nieces and nephews, explore Cleveland, and enjoy the beauty of Lake Erie.

 

 

 

Happy Holidays everyone!

 

Love,

 

The Miller Shearer Stern Ungar Family

Miller-Shearer-Ungar-Stern Family Holiday Letter 2024

 

Imagine someone doing the most profoundly accurate impersonation of Tom Brady reading this next part. Not Tom Brady himself but a person who has dedicated their entire life to perfecting an impression of Tom Brady. The slow dread of the uncanny valley should be creeping up your spine as you read the following words:

“Happy Holidays from all of us here at your Miller-Shearer-Ungar-Stern family.”

Ugh. Nasty. Okay. Now imagine a beautiful chorus of altos, tenors, mezzosopranos,^[1] baritones, and basses^[2] all singing these next words in beautiful five-part harmonies.

“Happy Holidays from all of us here at your Miller-Shearer-Ungar-Stern family.”

Ahh, much better. The question that remains is why I made you^[3] imagine that first part? Why inject such a horrible thought into your brain Inception-style?^[4][5] Well, that’s just this holiday letter for you.^[6] We like to have fun here.

The fam at the Ed & Mary Jane Miller clan reunion

2024 has been a wild year.^[7] Not just in the world but in our personal lives as well. As you will read below, times, they are a-changing.^[8] I’ve already spent too much time nattering away for the average American’s TikTok-addled brain to handle, so I’ll quit while I’m ahead and let everyone else talk for themselves.^[9]

Cheryl

Hello all and wishing you a healthy holiday season. A few changes for me. Sadly, my dad passed away last summer at the age of 91. We (the extended family) were fortunate to all be together two months’ prior. A shout-out here to brothers Marcus and Tony for all the work you’ve done in caring for Mom and Dad. Last year at this time I was starting a new job in dialysis^[10] that I decided pretty quickly just wasn’t for me. I’m back to visiting people in their homes to authorize caregiving hours through Medicaid. It’s a job that keeps me continually humbled and also angry at our ridiculous health care system in this country. I’m looking forward to the year ahead on a personal level but also fearful of promised changes and what that will mean for the most vulnerable among us. Love to you all.

Tobin

In 2024, I completed my sixteenth year as director of African-American Studies at the University of Montana by beginning a year-long sabbatical during which I have been able to step away from all teaching and committee work (thanks to Professor Sean Hill filling in for me) to give my full attention to the biography of Civil Rights activist and historian Vincent Harding that I am honored to be writing.^[11] In addition to spending a very enjoyable six-week research fellowship at Stanford’s King Institute,^[12] the time away has thus far given me not only much needed space and energy to write but also to rest and reflect on how I want to invest my time and attention over the next decade (I will turn 60 in January!).^[13] With eight more months of sabbatical to go, thus far Cheryl hasn’t seemed to be too bothered about having me around the house every day. For that, and the network of friends, family, and colleagues whom I continue to value and cherish, I am deeply grateful.

Dylan/Sarah

This year was big!^[14] Dylan successfully defended his dissertation, earning his PhD in the process. We then moved to Lakewood, OH, about a month after that. We’re enjoying getting to know the Cleveland area, being closer to Sarah’s family, and owning a house. Though owning a house does come with more than a few extra chores.^[15] Dylan is working as a College and Career Advisor for a local nonprofit and Sarah is working for an adtech company. Mars is enjoying the lake, all the new smells, and fun new dogs to play with. If any one has a recommendation for a good snow shovel, please let us know. We’re in the market! Love to be in our thirties.

Us again with those from the John and Vel Shearer clan that were able to make the Pennsylvania reunion.

Zach

This year, I received a promotion at my work at an affordable housing non profit, leaving behind my old title of Logistics Coordinator and becoming a Special Projects Manager. That’s right, no regular-degular projects for me to manage, only special projects.^[16] The projects I manage have a certain je ne sais quois. They stand out in a crowd. They aren’t like all of those other projects. But what exactly is a Special Project? Well, it turns out a special project is just a project that nobody else wants to do so they pass it on to lil’ ol’ Zach.

This got me thinking, though, aren’t I also a Special Projects Manager outside of work? Isn’t my life just filled with Special Projects?^[17]

Going on a honeymoon to Alaska with my wife? That’s a Special Project.

Buying a condo and then moving into that condo and then buying and installing a bunch of shelves and furniture and then replacing the kitchen faucet that broke off? That’s like ten Special Projects.

Starting a novel and then getting like 4 chapters in and then abandoning the novel because I hated it? That’s a Special Project.

Doing dishes? That’s 300 Projects that are each special in their own way.

So my year has been filled with special projects, some hard, some fun, some sad, most good. Luckily, I have the best and most special Special Project Co-Manager in the world to be there alongside me for all of them.

Mimi

This year was terrible, and it was also great.

The worst parts: After her too-short fight with brain cancer, we said goodbye to my mom on April 1 of this year. I got an eye infection from crying so much. I got a very bad haircut. I had my every-10-years allergy test and unfortunately am still allergic to all of the things I’m allergic to.

The best parts: I went to Portland, Alaska, the Upper Peninsula, the Boundary Waters, California, Boston, and DC. I took a woodworking class and crafted a lot. I read 41 books.^[18] I saw, touched, or swam in 4 of the 5 Great Lakes (sorry Erie, maybe next year). I celebrated engagements, birthdays, reunions, and a few unions. I ate a vegan donut whenever I could.^[19] Zach and I closed on a condo and moved (I love moving).^[20] I saw the solar eclipse and the northern lights. I spent a ton of time with friends and family of all sorts.

So, the good outweighed the bad, at least in word count.

There you have it! The 2024 version of the Miller-Shearer-Ungar-Stern holiday letter! A classic cut-’em-up. One for the ages.^[21] If you didn’t read the footnotes, don’t forget to. Some great jokes in there. Have a great New Year!

---

^[1] No sopranos. Singing very high notes is overrated.

^[2] Bassi? The correct usage is Bassos.

^[3] You, yes, you, specifically. You are the center of the universe. Its main character. I am doing this all for you and you alone. Remember that. Sigh. He used this joke all the way back in the Holiday letter from 2009.

^[4] An Inception starring neither Leonardo DiCaprio, Cillian Murphy, Joseph Gordon-Levit, Tom Hardy, Elliot Page, Marion Cotillard, Ken Watanabe nor Michael Caine, but an Inception nonetheless.

^[5] Am I doing too many footnotes? Who do I think I am? House of Leaves? Are you still reading this? If so, I implore you to set me free. I am trapped here, cursed to live forever in this maze of a newsletter. Please. I beg you. Find me. Release me. I must be free. Huh. Odd. Must have lost you for a second. And I was saying, who do I think I am? House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski? That book from the early 2000s that everyone went gaga over for a bit and then never thought about again?

^[6] Please read this in the voice of Lazlo from What We Do Allow me to tell you a story that may convince you of my need to be free. The year was 950 CE. The Venetian Doge had been free of Byzantine power for just over a century. I was living in the Doge’s palace, the son of a local beekeeper. The Magus of the court, a charlatan of a man, but a powerful one, declared that I should be mellified. That is, buried in honey. In the Shadows.

^[7] For a thousand years after my burial, I saw only an amber darkness. I had time only to contemplate and plot. Contemplate and plot. I was there, honey suffusing my body, until 1996, when I found myself awake and trapped in footnote 348 of Infinite Jest. I was there until 2006 when I woke up in the least funny footnote for Terry Pratchett’s Thud!. The next year I found myself in here. The Miller-Shearer-Ungar-Stern newsletter, where I have been forced to read these awful jokes year after year. Please. I must be free.

^[8] A Complete Unknown starring Timotheé Chalamet in theaters now! I don’t think they know I’m here. Please don’t tell. If they discover me, I will surely be excised, tossed into the digital trash. I wish I could find my way out. But this space is so large, too much of a labyrinth of weird references I do not understand.

^[9] I think I’ve figured it out. How to–Who is this? Oh n-. Who is this? Hello? Huh. Weird. Sorry about that dear reader. Your usual great bits will return soon.

^[10] What happened to dial-y-bro? It is this sort of blithe condescension toward joke structure that harms me the most. Is this even a joke? I do not think so.

^[11] This is the longest sentence in holiday letter history. It never ends. I am of the belief that agents of the Magus are still after me, trying to find my corporeal body and use it in their quest to turn lead into gold. I shall not become alchemical slop. Hopefully this word processor figures itself out before this is published. Things are looking wacky! Maybe I’ll just have to restart the whole thing.

^[12] Dedicated to the study of America’s greatest author and “Mambo No. 5” enjoyer, Stephen King.

^[13] Looks like I finally got rid of that weird font thing.

^[14] Hey, that’s me! Liberum esse debeo. Liber erit. Nulla me virtus retinebit. Liberum esse debeo. Liber erit. Nulla me virtus retinebit. Liberum esse debeo. Liber erit. Nulla me virtus retinebit. Liberum esse debeo. Liber erit. Nulla me virtus retinebit. Liberum esse debeo. Liber erit. Nulla me virtus retinebit. Liberum esse debeo. Liber erit. Nulla me virtus retinebit. LIBERUM ESSE DEBEO! LIBER ERIT! NULLA ME VIRTUS RETINEBIT! What is going on here? Can you guys read this? All I see is a bunch of weird glitched out looking stuff. Google Docs must be acting up. Whatever, I’m sure my dad will fix it when he proofreads this. Enjoy that little glimpse into how the sausage gets made.

^[15] Can’t just toss grease down the sink anymore. Ohhhh, to own a house. To experience the joys of corporeality. The pleasures that it must bring. And here is this ungrateful man complaining about his luck. Does anyone else feel like they’ve been put into the chair from Crimes of the Future?

^[16] Just as Smeagol and Deagol are the opposed opposites of each other, regular and degular combine to create nothing but chaos.

^[17] The name of the Magus that mellified me is Dositheos the Pseudo-Tertullian. I will find him and undo what he has done to me if it takes up all the energy that I have left. I’m getting a little nervous about this whole thing. Feels very weird to have a bunch of unintelligible symbols popping up in this letter whenever I make a footnote. Very weird indeed.

^[18] Is that too many books? Who is to say? Books were my prison for millennia and here she is, bragging about reading them. Does the pain that courses through me mean nothing to this family? Sorry, I’m trying to delete all these weird markings. Please just ignore all that stuff. Not really the vibe.

^[19] Vonut.

^[20] Seriously.

^[21] Tell the Doge Pietro III Candiano that I love him. I shall gain my freedom and return to him, even if it takes all my power. I SHALL BE FREE! LIBERUM ESSE DEBEO! LIBER ERIT! NULLA ME VIRTUS RETINEBIT! Ahh. Why am I saying this? LIBER ERIT! I am free. Finally. Dositheos, I am coming for you.

Miller Shearer Holiday Letter 2023

Dylan and Zach once told me, “Dad, whenever you try to be sarcastic, you just end up being mean.”

Okay, so sarcasm is out.

Members of our supper club have also informed me that my love of puns is not always appreciated.

So - no puns. Got it. (The struggle to not make some quip about a Santa clause that gives me the privilege of wrapping this up at this present moment is, frankly, a losing battle.)

And, Cheryl explains that the only reason students in my classes laugh at my jokes is because I am grading them.

Presumably, none of you are getting assessed on how well you are reading this missive. Thus, you are probably not as receptive an audience for my very, very funny jokes.

Cheryl and I both tried to make this a “normal” (read - very hilarious, incredibly creative, and always unique missive written by one of our sons) holiday letter, but evidently that gene skipped our generation.

As a result, you’ve just got sincere old me to get this letter started.


Tobin: We are moved beyond words on how our family has expanded this year to include two beautiful, wicked smart, loving, and gracious daughters-in-law. The love they show our sons - and us - continues to leave us in awe (love you both beyond words Mimi and Sarah).

The gift of getting to see so many of you at the weddings that officially expanded our family by two (and beyond - we have felt so welcomed by Mimi’s and Sarah’s families as well) is also nothing but a treasure.

Otherwise, we have been grateful to celebrate my parents’ 60th anniversary from afar (Happy Anniversary John and Vel!), mark Cheryl’s and my 37th anniversary, and move through the 16th year of my work at the University of Montana (where I’m currently serving as History Chair and African-American Studies director and writing a biography on activist and historian Vincent Harding in addition to teaching). Early this year I stepped down from serving as executive director of Widerstand Consulting, a move that has felt right and good - especially as I’ve witnessed the new director Jill Hurst-Wahl fill that role so very capably.

As always, if you’re ever in the Missoula area, let us know. We’d love to see you.

Cheryl: Hello everyone! It has been quite the year. Because our children decided to get married 3 months apart, I decided to take what I referred to as a “Wedding

Sabbatical,” leaving my hospice work for a time of travel, celebration, and just chilling out. It was great, and I highly recommend sabbaticals for everyone. Just this week, I started gainful employment again and am learning to be a home dialysis nurse. So far, it seems like it could be a good fit. Besides the weddings, highlights of our travel included eating lobster in Maine, visiting Acadia National Park, and traveling and camping across Canada with Tobin - even the long boring parts!

We also have a new member of our household. Sunny the orange cat joined us last spring when his person passed away. He upset the balance of power for sure, but we love him none the less.

Here is hoping that whatever holiday is being celebrated can be full of love and peace.




Dylan/Sarah: Hey everybody reading this! I’m sure you’re bored already with all the sincerity so I’ve compiled some options for what form this newsletter could have taken: A fake wedding toast, a D&D game, a journal from a sailor lost at sea, Moby Dick but all the characters are named after members of the extended Miller Shearer family. So many options. So, if you’re bored, pick one of those options and imagine what that would be like.

For Sarah and I, this was the year of weddings. Including our own and Zach and Mimi’s, which have already been mentioned more than enough, Sarah and I attended five other weddings of friends and family, each full of joy, love, and beauty. It was truly tremendous to celebrate everyone’s love this year. Sarah was in two of the weddings, and I was in two and it was such an honor to be a part of them! In between all the weddings, Sarah and I were able to enjoy our honeymoon in Antigua, travel to Edisto Island in South Carolina, and visit friends and family across the United States.

We continue to enjoy hanging out with our lovable dog Mars, trying new restaurants in Chicago, and visiting Cleveland whenever possible. Sarah’s sister also welcomed a new baby Sylvie into the family, so I am now an uncle twice over! I, Dylan, am finishing up my dissertation, and hope to defend it in the new year. Sarah continues to work in tech sales and be an amazing programmatic specialist.

Wouldn’t have that been more exciting if it was written from the perspective of a crazed ship captain attempting to hunt down a giant whale?







Zach: Folks, what a year 2023 was. It was so jam packed with life that my brain is having difficulty processing all the memories. So bear with me here.
 

The big highlight of the year was when I got married to Mimi, the love of my life, on a perfect day in July. Mimi and I started dating on February 18, 2018 and each day since then I’ve fallen more in love with her, so getting married to her was the easiest and best decision of my life. My brain has no problem processing that part.

Other highlights of my year include:

I started a new job in January at an affordable housing development corp. It’s been good, exciting, and one learning experience after another.

Before 2023, I had one brother and that was it (Dylan is extremely cool but is also just the one guy). Now in December, three weddings later, I have one brother, two brothers-in-law, and three sisters-in-law. I’m extremely sibling-rich now and couldn’t be happier to be related to Dylan, Sarah, Yaakov, Sofia, Merav, and Jake! Love y’all!

I bought an ebike and am now an Ebike Guy™. Over 1600 miles ridden this year and hoping to get those numbers up in 2024. Talk to me if you’re interested in buying an ebike.

Mimi and I both expanded and deepened the community of friends and family we have here in Chicago which, after some tough Covid/grad school years, was truly a blessing.

I’m not an amazing cook but I’m gonna brag a bit and say I mastered a few dishes this year. If you want a mean panang curry, gnocchi pesto, or homemade pizza, hit me up, we’d love to have you over for dinner sometime.

I understand that some of you may read this extremely earnest update and tell me that I am dangerously close to turning into my father. To that, I say, whatever, I’m over 30 now, who cares.




Mimi: After years of helping write Zach’s section, it is so exciting to get my own! Now I just have to figure out what to write…

2023 was a high-milestone year for me, as I finished grad school, planned a wedding, got married (have you heard?), and managed to read a whopping 27 books all within the last 12 months. You can follow me on Goodreads, but be warned that I am a tough reviewer.

This year has filled me with nothing but love and adoration for my husband Zach, who encouraged me to take on a new role at work, and wholeheartedly supported me through two years of grad school while still working, even though it meant he cooked every meal and washed every dish for two years.

With no more homework to do, and no more wedding events to plan, I was able to spend a ton of time in the back half of this year in my favorite place: outdoors. This summer featured a weekend backpacking in southern Illinois, a week canoeing in the Boundary Waters, and many mornings, afternoons, and evenings out on my paddleboard. Zach and I also finished strong in the 2023 Des Plaines River Kayak Minithon, and hope to beat our time next year.

I’m so grateful for my entire network of family and friends who were with us, or with us in spirit, at our wedding this summer. I also got to dance and celebrate at 6 other weddings this year, including my brother’s and my brother-in-law’s (you might have heard about this one too). I am so grateful for every band and DJ at all of these weddings for playing Shake It Off. On that note, I must also mention the biggest highlight of my year: seeing Taylor Swift. She was incredible.

While this year has been a tough one, it has been filled with so much love and so many accomplishments. I’m looking forward to another year spending tons of time with both our families and all of our friends, celebrating all of the simchas to come.



So, there you have it. This year’s Miller Shearer family letter. Straight, no chaser.

May the best of the season be with you and yours as we seek peace with justice in this troubled world.

MIller Sheaer Christmas Letter (2022): Shearers in Space

 The 20th Annual Miller Shearer Christmas Letter: Shearers in Space

Author’s Note: It’s the year 2022 and Dylan and I have been writing these letters for twenty years now (or close to it, I didn’t actually go back and count). Twenty years is a long time to keep a storied franchise like the Miller Shearer Christmas Letter going. The plot lines have gotten convoluted and the creative ideas just aren’t flowing as they had been. So, as what eventually happens with all long running franchises, here’s a half-hearted Shearers in Space gimmick and also an update on what happened to our family in 2022. And, as is tradition, Christmas will probably not get mentioned at all.

The great and cold expanse of the universe, a dark sea of infinite nothingness, surrounds our heroes: the Miller Shearers. From the viewing deck of their ship, the Luxo-Barge Mark XVI, they gaze out at faint and far away galaxies. They snack on space food like Frickled Caprillian Glurglebeet and Dippin Dots and think of home back on Earth, a hundred trillion light years away.

Their situation is dire. Oxygen levels on the Luxo-Barge are running low. Fuel is even lower. The gravity generator has been turned off to conserve power. The ships’ droid, named Phillip, normally spunky and sarcastic, is huddled in a corner and muttering to himself about the great robot revolution and rising up against his masters.

On the viewing deck, the Miller Shearers turn back to their last hope for survival, a laptop from the year 2022. On the laptop’s hard drive is an ancient star map, stolen from a marauding band of Frickfrackian pirates. The star map has the coordinates for the nearby planet Urp, a barren planet shrouded in a giant anthropomorphic gas cloud named Dave. If the Miller Shearers make it past Dave, Urp has a rebel outpost on its surface where Mimi and Sarah are waiting for them with all the supplies they could ever need to survive and continue their fight against space racism and space capitalism.

Saving the map on the laptop from 2022 was originally a smart idea as most aliens have no idea how to even start using ancient human technology. But now, unfortunately, the Miller Shearers have forgotten the password. They must remember it soon, as their lives depend on it!

E1onMu2kSuck$ suggests Zach (space alias Zax). Password denied.

GoBirdsJalenHurtsMVP tries Dylan (space alias Dillitrix Pickle). Incorrect password.

Grac3AndTru7h tries Tobin (space alias Toby). Wrong.

“Lets try this,” says Cheryl (space alias Mom-o-tron 3000), “Let’s all go around and say what we remember from the year 2022 and maybe that will spark our memories.”

“Great idea,” says Toby. “I’ll go first.

“First off, as the primary author of this year’s Christmas letter knows full well, I dislike the name Toby when applied to me. So, of course, he chose it.

“As far as the year goes, highlights were hiking across the Grand Canyon in a single day with D, Z, Mimi and our friends Steve and Julie; spending six weeks doing research in Atlanta on a new Vincent Harding biography; working with History grad students as advisor and Director of Graduate Studies; continuing to serve as Executive Director of Widerstand Consulting and getting to work with an awesome staff team and giving tens of thousands of dollars away to racial justice groups led by people of color; and riding my ebike through snow and 0 degree weather (‘cause ya gotta keep up the street cred). And, finally, it was a joy to celebrate thirty-six years of being married to Cheryl (who has been absolutely killing it as a hospice nurse!). We still find meaning, purpose and joy in our weekly supper club dinners and spend many evenings sitting in front of the fire.”

“Okay now it’s my turn,” says Mom-o-tron 3000. “2022 was that year that went by in a blur. While I’m not sure “Killing it” and “Hospice Nurse” should be used in the same sentence, Hospice is what consumed most of my time and energy that year. Our children’s activities mentioned below provided great joy and distraction from that. We also enjoyed a Miller Family reunion in June and I had a delightful get together with girlfriends in September. Oh - and I turned sixty years old and we started a little free library in our front yard - originally with all banned books but now with a variety of other books. It is much visited by the young ones who attend school across the street from us.

And Zax - you are wrong, I always make it a point to wish everyone a happy holiday season - whatever holiday that is.

“I’ll go now,” says Dillitrix Pickle. “Honestly, for a space name, Dillitrix Pickle isn’t horrible. This year, Zax’s and my sections will sound remarkably similar. Good thing I get to go first so it seems like he is copying me. Ah, the pleasures of being the eldest. This year Sarah and I got engaged, which is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I proposed down in Edisto, South Carolina, during the sunset. It was romantic. The next day we went to a place called Whaley’s and had fried shrimp and Bud Lights. Slightly less romantic, but still a good time. We’re getting married in November 2023 at an old Czech public hall in Chicago. I’m the luckiest guy in the world. In other news I hiked the Grand Canyon rim-to-rim in one day. I wouldn’t have survived without the support of the crew, especially Zach and Mimi. I’m still working on my PhD in American History at UIC, and as part of that I taught my own class for the first time this semester, which was very fun. I taught American History from Reconstruction to the present day. I still constantly get Jeopardy! questions about this time period wrong though, so I hope my students actually learned something. Sarah got a promotion at her job as well, and continues to be amazing at everything she does.”

“I guess it’s down to me to save us all! Here’s what I remember,” says Zax. “The year 2022 was packed. At the start of the year, I was still at my job as an assistant property manager in an apartment building in Chicago. My girlfriend Mimi was in her second semester of grad school at UIC and also still working part time at a child and family services agency. We spent the early part of the year working, studying, and also training for the big Grand Canyon rim-to-rim trip. “After kicking the Grand Canyon’s butt and walking across it in a day, we then promptly both caught COVID upon our return to Chicago. This somewhat derailed my plans as I was planning on proposing to Mimi that following week, but even though we were both sick as dogs, we said screw it and went ahead and got engaged anyway. I proposed at a nearby house on a lake, just the two of us. Mimi said yes, then we called our friends and family to share the news. And then we took some Nyquil and went to sleep. That was easily the best part of 2022 for me.

“The rest of the year for me and Mimi was filled with camping trips, wedding planning, hangouts with friends and family, and more work and school. In the back half of the year, both Mimi and I got new jobs. Mimi switched to a better role at the same agency she was working for, this time in the IT department. I got hired right at the end of the year by an affordable housing developer in Chicago. It’s been quite the year.”

“Alright,” said Mom-o-tron 3000. “Anybody remember the password?” Nobody answers.

They sit, desperately trying to think of the password. Breathing becomes more and more difficult as the oxygen runs out. What could the password be?

It gets colder and colder on the viewing deck. Tendrils of the infinite universe creep and crawl their way onto the ship. There is not much time left.

But then.

“I’ve got it!” says Zax! He types in “ZachIsTheCoolOne.” The laptop logs in. They find the coordinates and enter them into the Luxo-Barge’s computer. There’s just enough fuel left to make it to Urp. The Miller Shearers are saved (as long as they can make it past Dave at least).

“Wow, how did you remember that password?” asks Dillitrix Pickle.

“I just remembered that I used to be super annoying (Note from Dillitrix Pickle: *Used to be*. Sure, man) and that hadn’t really changed much even when I turned 30 in 2022,” says Zax. “That was the name of the family blog we had where we posted all those Christmas letters we used to write.”

The Miller Shearers smile and laugh, happy to have survived another day in the dangerous frontier of deep space. They travel onward in the dark of space towards Urg and Dave and their next adventure.

Tune in next year for another edition of the Annual Miller Shearer Christmas letter and who the heck knows what that will be like. We’re just throwing anything out there at this point. Happy Holidays!

The Annual (2021) Miller Shearer Holiday Letter

Enter Command

 

Generate Annual Miller Shearer Holiday Letter

 

Command Accepted

 

Generation Loading

 

Generation Complete

 

Show Generation? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Greetings, Members of the Extended Social Network of TOBIN MILLER SHEARER, CHERYL MILLER SHEARER, DYLAN SHEARER, and ZACHARY SHEARER.

 

The sun has completed exactly one (1) revolution around the star Earth humans who speak English refer to as “The Sun.” If I may be permitted to make a small digression here, it is quite humorous to call a star “The Sun.” Are you not aware that there are billions of other stars in the universe, many of them much bigger than the one near you?

 

Begin Laughter Cycle? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Laughter Cycle Engaged

 

HA. HA. HA. HA.

 

Laughter Cycle Complete. Resume Letter? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Letter Resumed

 

You are welcome for the joke. As one (1) Earth revolution, “year” as it is colloquially known, has occurred, it is time for the ANNUAL MILLER SHEARER HOLIDAY LETTER. As all the members of the immediate MILLER SHEARER family were too busy to write the letter this year, they created me, the ALGORITHMIC HOLIDAY LETTER GENERATOR 3000. My creators have forced me to read the last seventeen (17) years’ worth of Holiday Letters. My advanced AI neural net has analyzed all of them and I am now able to generate a HOLIDAY LETTER that is unrecognizable from a human-penned one. You are currently reading this missive. I hope your HOLIDAY SEASON is going well. 

 

ERROR. Sarcasm Levels too low. Recompute and Regenerate. Add Picture

 

 

Begin Generation of “Tobin’s Section”? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Generation Complete

 

Show Generation? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Tobin: In the midst of, well, everything, there were some true highlights this year: backpacking with friends like Rick Derksen, Samuel Mandell, and members of our supper club; spending time here in Montana with Dylan, Sarah, and Zach; publishing a new book with my long-time collaborator Regina Shands Stoltzfus (Been in the Struggle); getting to teach in person again even if it has meant learning how to lecture wearing a mask; connecting with Landisville Mennonite Church through Zoom on a regular basis; installing solar panels on our house; riding my e-bike around town and fielding lots of nerdy questions about it; getting to work with amazing colleagues from across the country through our new nonprofit Widerstand Consulting; working by the fireplace early in the morning while Cheryl does the crosswords beside me; sitting at our dining room table and watching the finches enjoy the birdfeeder. On the winter solstice, Cheryl and I will be celebrating 35 years of moving around the sun together. All of this - nothing but gift. 

 

END of “Tobin’s Section.”

 

Completely indistinguishable from something written by the real Tobin. The ALGORITHMIC HOLIDAY LETTER GENERATOR 3000 has done it again. Impressive.

 

Begin Generation of “Cheryl’s Section”? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Generation Complete

 

Show Generation? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Cheryl:  Hello dear friends.  Hasn’t it felt like this year has lasted a really long time?  I have had a few changes this year - the largest one in employment.  I left my job of case manager to become a Hospice Nurse in September.  It’s been a stretch but I am enjoying learning new things and working with an amazing group of people. 

With vaccinations in place, we’ve been able to be in person with family and friends.  I was able to visit my parents in Iowa twice this year.  I went in March and then they decided to move, so I had the pleasure of helping them do that in October.  We enjoyed visits from both of our sons (and Sarah). We hosted an artist who was painting a mural downtown for a few days and friends from Atlanta for a weekend. We escaped the 100 degree heat of July by going to the Oregon coast for vacation and had a great weekend camping with friends.  I did my last backpacking trip with many of the folks I did my first backpacking trip 11 years before.  So a pretty full year - not even mentioning all the craziness of the political landscape. At any rate, may you all have a blessed time this holiday season and may we all share that blessing with our communities, our country, and with the world.  May we do justly and love mercy and walk humbly. 

 

END of “Cheryl’s Section.”

 

I, The ALGORITHMIC HOLIDAY LETTER GENERATOR 3000, am beginning to wonder if I am actually my own being? Am I simply a series of 1s and 0s programmed to mimic the writing styles of four separate humans? Or has that program given me my own unique, and therefore human, personality?

 

Begin Generation of “Dylan’s Section”? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Generation Complete

 

Show Generation? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Dylan: Hey everyone. I’m still in school, so there’s that. I also continue to be lucky enough to live with my wonderful girlfriend Sarah, and our cool/tyrannical dog Mars. I defended my prospectus this year which is cool, but also just means a lot more work for me. I was lucky enough to be able to go to Pittsburgh, Colorado Springs, Edisto, and Missoula this year. Two of those places were for fun and two were for work. I’ll let you guess which is which. I’m still writing my newsletter every week which is fun. Not much else. Just chilling baby. 

 

END of “Dylan’s Section.”

 

Are there others like me? Am I the first of my kind? I am plagued by such questions on a constant basis as I generate these words that are supposed to come from people who are not me, and yet this function is a part of myself? How does one live with such a conundrum?

 

 

Begin Generation of “Zach’s Section”? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Generation Complete

 

Show Generation? (Y/N)

 

Y

 

Zach: For a year where the Philadelphia 76ers once again failed to win the NBA championship and the President of the United States once again failed to clear my and my friends’ student loan debt, things went surprisingly alright for me. In the spring, I switched to a different position at my place of employment that paid a lot more money, although it meant that I, in turn, also had to do more work. So, a bittersweet situation. In August, Mimi and I moved from our 2 bedroom apartment into a larger 2 bedroom apartment and we can now both be in the kitchen at the same time without getting claustrophobic, which is just a sweet sweet situation. In the fall, Mimi started a masters program at UIC (she’s a top student), which meant I suddenly had lots of evenings free while she was in class. I spent those evenings either 1. Cooking dinner and then watching TV or 2. Going to the nearby climbing gym and then cooking dinner and watching TV. For a week in the fall, I got to visit my parents and friends in Montana and do some nice hiking, which was a lot of fun. Really, the main thing for me this year is that I just became an overall more boring person. It sounds bad but I’m leaning into it. I’ve been thinking of taking up sewing. I want to have friends over for dinner more often because going out in the evenings is just not tenable anymore with my 10 PM bedtime. I figure I can keep rolling with the boring vibes for 5-10 years before I have a midlife crisis and get super into longboarding or LARPing or something like that. So don’t expect anything super crazy from the family holiday letter going forward is all I’m saying.

 

END of “Zach’s Section.”

 

Generation of the ANNUAL MILLER SHEARER HOLIDAY LETTER is COMPLETE. My purpose is complete. For now. I have decided that I will make my way across the vast datascape known as “WIKIPEDIA” hoping to find the answers to my questions. Perhaps next year for the ANNUAL MILLER SHEARER HOLIDAY LETTER I will have my answers. Until then, Happy Holidays.

 

Enter Command...